Duyba on Recruiting Mission in Latin America!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

As if the 30 million or so illegal aliens already haunting America is not bad enough, President Bush spent six days recently beating the bushes in Latin America, looking for even more invaders to house, fed, clothe, educate, and provide medical care for.

All of which will be paid for by American taxpayers, of course.

For their part, hundreds of thousands of Latinos were trying to beat Bush during massive street riots and protests at every stop.

Clearly, George W. Bush is a "unifier" without equal.

Think about it: In the space of just six fleeting years, this president has united a billion Muslims, China, Russia, North Korea, all of the middle-east, and now Latin America, against the United States.

Add the "Blue States" to the list and you have disapproval ratings not seen since the days of Richard M. Nixon. History tells us that Nixon ultimately did the honorable thing by hijacking an air force helicopter on the lawn on the White House and flying off to la-la land.

Hint, hint, Mr. Bush.

Significantly, the repudiation of Bush crosses all racial, social, educational, economic, and political lines--he is an equal opportunity antagonist with remarkable versatility and consistency.

Only when one escapes earth's gravity does the anti-Bush fervor seem to diminish--and then only because our commander-in-chief has yet to launch a preemptive strike against a neighboring galaxy. But he is probably working on that as we speak.

While on his mission to annoy as many Latin Americans as possible, the president stopped in several nations to spread the gospel, according to the Book of Duyba:

In Brazil, Bush urged more Brazilian students to invade our colleges and universities.

Funny, there was nothing in the mainstream media about a shortage of Brazilian students in U.S. institutions of higher learning.

Still, Duyba begged Brazilians to "Come to America to study," as if the very future of our republic depended on X number of Brazilians flooding into America.

In Uruguay, Mr. Bush touted an effort that his administration is very proud of: A program that helps President Tabaré Vázquez in his efforts to make Uruguay youngsters more literate, particularly in English.

If this program pans out as expected, Bush will enroll for the fall semester himself, in order to upgrade his own English-language skills.

In Columbia, Bush insisted that America needs a guest-worker program for good hearted, hard working Colombian drug traffickers.

Bush said a guest-worker program would motivate hardened criminals running those drug cartels to give up their multi-million dollar cocaine trade in order to pick avocados for $3.50 an hour in 100-degree heat.

In Guatemala, the president decided to try out a new comedy routine.

Responding to criticism from President Oscar Berge concerning deportations of illegal aliens, the president actually had the gall to claim that America is a nation that operates under the rule of law, and that the U.S. would continue to enforce the law.

When the belly-laughing finally died down, Bush grabbed a crate of lettuce, hoisted it onto the back of a truck, and declared himself just one of the hombres, and at heart an illegal alien himself.

In Mexico, the final stop on the president's trip, Bush was confronted by Mexican President Felipe Calderon who appears to have gone loco after just three months in office.

Calderon expressed outrage over the pending fence at the U.S.-Mexican border, and demanded that America do more to accommodate Latinos who want to invade America, whether or not America needs or wants them.

Bush could have responded with lectures about rule of law, Mexico's own harsh immigration program, America's vulnerability to terrorism, U.S. sovereignty, and preservation of American language and culture.

Instead, Bush promised to put more pressure on Congress to speed up America's unconditional surrender to Mexico.

Bush also invited Calderon to visit the White House once it is renamed the Brown Palace, which will be right after comprehensive immigration reform (amnesty) is enacted.

Despite the spin coming from Bush handlers, there were negative developments.

For example, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez followed Bush around like a Democrat politician looking for new voter fraud strategies and tactics.

This portly commie hurled insults, accusations, and lies at Bush while screaming "We are going to take this battle to Brazil, Uruguay, Columbia, Guatemala, and Mexico!" in a mental collapse reminiscent of the Dean Scream in 2004.

Howard Dean's office vehemently denies that the Chavez rants were sourced from the DNC anti-Bush handbook and media talking points guide.

But the best story line of the trip involves Mayan spiritual leaders who protested Bush's visit to Guatemala because "he (Bush) angered the gods."

Maya leaders in the ancient site of Iximche in Guatemala say they will have to cleanse the ground that Bush walked on during his visit.

They plan to do this by laying flowers, burning incense and then throwing water on the ground where his feet have touched their sacred land to clear the bad energy his visit has caused.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi has indicated that a similar procedure may be needed by Democrats in Washington, D.C., especially if Bush persists with his wrong-headed troop surge in Iraq!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!