Urgently Needed: Sanctuary Cities for Americans!

Satire By John W. Lillpop


At first blush, one is tempted to blame the "sanctuary city" insanity adopted in certain towns on poor water quality.

Perhaps the water is contaminated with too much iodine or other chemical that kills brain cells, common sense, morality, and patriotism all in one gulp?

But this pandemic of stupidity stretches across a huge swath of these great United States, from Newark, New Jersey to California. Clearly, there is more at work here than putrid water.

More likely than not, the problem is creeping liberalism, a dreaded disease of mind and soul that causes politicians to forsake prudence in favor of extreme political correctness, with little or no regard for taxpaying Americans.

There is no known cure for creeping liberalism, although the disease usually dissipates once a great metropolitan area like Los Angeles has fallen.

However, given the recent horrific execution-style killings in Newark, American patriots are mobilizing a grass roots constituency that is about to set the nation on fire.

From coast to coast and in all of the hamlets in between, a clarion call is being sounded. Patriots everywhere are demanding Sanctuary Cities for Americans, and only Americans!

In order to qualify as a Sanctuary City for Americans, a city must have codified the following provisions into the City Ordinance and be prepared to demonstrate that full compliance will be rigidly enforced, with zero tolerance for non-compliance.

Requirements for being a Sanctuary City for Americans:

1. Residency is restricted to those in America legally. Local police, fire men, postal carriers, librarians, fast food and car wash operators, hospital administrators, all city officials, undertakers, and ordinary citizens are authorized and obligated to verify residency status whenever there is the slightest doubt.


2. English must be the official language of the city. Ballots, parking tickets, Lost Dog flyers, newspapers, business and government documents, and voter registration materials shall be executed only in English.

3. Known RINOs and "progressive" democrats shall be prohibited from seeking elective office or any position of influence.

4. Day labor centers are outlawed.

5. The ACLU and other known anti-American anarchists shall not be allowed to conduct business within city limits. ACLU lawyers shall also be prohibited from owing personal property in the city.

6. Catholic churches and other communist outlets must register with the city, and must not offer to shield illegal aliens from the law, as happened in Chicago with criminal celebrity Elvira Arellano.

7. Speaking Spanish in public is a misdemeanor offense on the first occasion and a very serious felony on the second and all subsequent convictions.

8. Mowing one's own lawn, cleaning one's own home, and washing one's own car are considered hugely patriotic acts, and may be substituted for military service in normal circumstances.

9. Food stamps may not be used to purchase alcohol or illegal drugs.

10. Sub-prime loans shall not be used to purchase property in city limits, but may be used to finance self-deportation of 5 or more illegal aliens.

Do these requirements sound extreme? In truth, they are no more absurd than a government body going out of its way to attract and support illegal aliens!

Sanctuary Cities for Americans: An idea whose time is NOW!