Illegal Aliens Must Go!

America was built by Immigrants--LEGAL immigrants. Illegal aliens have no legal or moral basis for being in America. All illegal aliens must be deported and U.S. borders must be secured to prevent more invaders from coming here!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Contemporary Quiz on Illegal Aliens

Satire By John W. Lillpop

With the debate over illegal immigration heating up again, here is a quiz to measure one's liberal quotient on this vital issue.

Liberal quotient, of course, is the exact opposite of ''intelligence quotient."
I. Illegal Aliens are :

( ) Desperately needed by liberals to win elections.
( ) A misnomer. They are actually Undocumented Democrats!
( ) Mexico’s chief export.
( ) Not a threat to U.S. homeland security. Why would foreign peasants threaten the land of welfare, food stamps, and free health care?
II. Border security should be:

( ) Ignored, because we need cheap lettuce.
( ) Ignored, because tight borders might upset Jeb Bush's wife.
( ) Turned over to Felipe Calderon in the name of diversity.
( ) Used to keep Republicans out of the United States.
III. The proposed fence between the United States and Mexico is:

( ) A terrific idea, if built by firms owned by women and minorities.
( ) Unconstitutional. It discriminates against invaders too fat to scale a fence.
( ) “Pork” in Red States, but economic necessity in blue states.
IV. The proposed Guest Worker Program:

( ) Is illegal if it prevents illegal aliens from collecting welfare.
( ) Will work if guest workers are required to join a labor union.
( ) Should include free health care, driver's licenses, college degrees, and interest-free mortgages for illegal aliens
( ) Sounds like amnesty, but Mexicans here illegally deserve amnesty!
V. Spanish versus English: Mexican illegal immigrants should:

( ) Be prevented from learning English because the Democrats have printed 30 million ballots in Spanish for 2008.
( ) Be kept English-illiterate to avoid exposure to GOP lies and propaganda.
( ) Be taught vital English words and phrases like ACLU, racism, class-action lawsuit, Vote Democrat, etc.
( ) Be forced to purchase President Bush's biography, titled "English basics from a Hispanically Speaking Dummy."
VI. Janet Napolitano, Democrat governor of Arizona:

( ) Was for Illegal Immigration before she was against it.
( ) Was a “stealth” candidate in Mexico’s presidential election in early July of 2006.
( ) Thinks ''Minutemen'' is a reference to the sexual staying power of Border Patrol agents.
VII. In dealing with massive protests by illegal aliens, the most prudent response would be to:

( ) Quit Claim deed California, Texas, Arizona, and New Mexico to Felipe Calderon.
( ) Pardon all illegal aliens with a Blanket Executive Order signed by President Bush.
( ) Hand out Spanish-language ballots for 2008 with Hillary Clinton’s name pre-punched as a vote for president.
( ) Sell forged driver’s licenses and Social Security cards, and use proceeds to buy ads opposing Tom Tancredo.

Well, how did you do? Liberal enough to be considered anti-American?

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.