Pedro Zapeta Should Be Deported Immediately, Sans $59,000!

By John W. Lillpop

The legal case against illegal alien Pedro Zapeta has socialists in the Democrat party and Catholic Church wringing their hands in angst at America's unfair, broken immigration system.

The rest of the story is as follows.

Pedro Zapeta had a unique, gangster-style vision of the American Dream. In his corrupt, polluted little mind, Zapeta thought it made perfect sense, both logically and morally, to ignore America's borders, immigration laws, and income tax laws in order to pursue a far greater objective.

Namely, the personal enrichment of Pedro Zapeta.

Thank goodness, Zapeta's twisted version of the American Dream ultimately turned into a nightmare when authorities actually enforced the law.

CNN: http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/09/27/immigrant.money/index.html

Pedro Zapeta is an illegal alien from Guatemala who has squatted in America for 11 years. Over that time, Pedro washed dishes in Stuart, Florida and, by living frugally, managed to save $59,000.

Proving once and for all that most rocket scientists simply will not wash dishes for more than 11 years at $5.50 an hour, Zapeta finally decided to return to his beloved Guatemala with that $59,000 in tow. Like on his person, in a duffel bag, if you can imagine.

Zapeta's nightmare began when airport security discovered his cash stash and began asking questions. It was soon obvious that Zapeta was an illegal alien who was in violation of the U.S. law that requires one to declare cash in excess of $10,000 to customs.

Once authorities had sorted out Zapeta's situation, his $59,000 was seized and he was turned over to Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS). Of course, Zapeta was immediately released by morons at INS. Deportation proceedings did, however, commence.

Amazingly enough, Zapeta did not disappear into the shadows, as most released illegal aliens typically do.

And why, pray tell, did Zapeta not flee to Newark, New Jersey, San Francisco, California or some other liberal infested sanctuary city?

Perhaps the invading weasel had finally seen the light and decided to repent? Maybe all those years in a hot, stuffy American kitchen washing dishes had imbued this criminal with a redemptive sense of right versus wrong?

Wrong!

Actually, it was a combination of unbridled greed and stupidity, rather than a spiritual awakening that kept Zapeta from going to San Francisco with flowers in his hair.

Remember that $59,000? It turns out that Pedro continues to believe that he is entitled to that money--- and his duffel bag. A cabal of corrupt leftist lawyers has worked, pro bono, in an attempt to recover "his" money.

Along the way, Zapeta received $10,000 in donations from bleeding heart types who always feel sympathy for non-American criminals, especially those in America illegally.

But, alas, Zapeta has been hit with more bad news. Apparently the dishwasher fool paid zero taxes on that $59,000. Thus, the IRS impounded the $10,000 in donations as a lien against unpaid taxes.

Justice! At long last!

Of course, liberals are outraged at the way the U.S. government is treating poor Pedro Zapeta. After all, they argue, he is an uneducated, non-English speaking peasant who was unaware of the U.S. law pertaining to declaration of moneys being carried in one's duffel bag through security at a busy airport.

To liberals who make that outrageous argument, I ask the following:

* Was Zapeta also unaware of the fact that his income is taxable?

* How much sympathy is owed an illegal alien who has been here for 11 years without taking the time to learn English, and become familiar with our laws?

* How much pro bono legal work would leftist lawyers donate to help an American citizen charged with tax evasion?

For his part, the addled Pedro Zapeta said the following, "They are treating me like a criminal when all I am is a working man," he said.

Sorry, Pedro, even though you and your brain dead attorneys may not know it, you are a despicable criminal who needs to get the hell out of America and never come back!

Merely deporting illegal alien Pedro Zapeta is not enough. America needs to send a message to other third world criminals, and would be criminals.

Namely, America is fed up with foreigners who, for whatever reason, think they are entitled to invade America. That foggy thinking will no longer be tolerated.

Here is my proposal: In addition to deporting Zapeta immediately, our government should send the $59,000 this nut case was carrying in a duffel bag to the beleaguered families of Border Patrol Agents Ignacio Ramos and Jose Compean.

By doing so, the Zapeta and other criminals will know that there is a severe penalty to be paid by those who come here illegally and evade income taxes!

It would also help to ease the suffering of the families of two patriotic men who have been sabotaged by our government and addle-brained president simply for defending America against invasion.

Is Illegal Immigration An Inevitable, Natural Phenomenon?

By John W. Lillpop

Mexican President Felipe Calderon continues to make public pronouncements that should cause legal and medical authorities to arrest and commit the loco hombre to an institution for long term psychiatric care.

This man clearly needs serious help (a lobotomy?) before he does grave harm to himself and Mexico, and even more harm to America.

Calderon's latest remarks were made on September 27 before a gathering of Mexican and U.S. governors from states along the U.S.-Mexico border. It was at that meeting that Calderon insisted that immigration "is an inevitable, natural phenomenon" that should cause the United States Congress to implement reform so that more Mexicans can invade America at will.

Calderon then slipped into full-blown dementia when he demanded that the United States respect "the right to work wherever one can make the greatest contribution."

Tucson Citizen: http://www.tucsoncitizen.com/daily/local/64282.php

What could cause Calderon to issue such a mindless demand?

The notoriously putrid Mexican water? Over consumption of 200 proof Tequila during working hours?

Think about it: Mexico has some of the most rigid and punitive immigration laws in the world, designed specifically to keep Guatemalans, Nicaraguans, and other undesirable Latinos from nesting in Mexico.

In fact, Mexico deports more illegal aliens from south of it's borders than does America.

So why does "the right to work wherever one can make the greatest contribution" not apply to Guatemalans and Nicaraguans going to Mexico, President Calderon?

Or is immigration " an inevitable, natural phenomenon" only when the United States is the final destination of the invading migrants?

Calderon continued his public mental breakdown when he stated that Mexico "doesn't celebrate migration . . . our best people are the ones who go."

Now that IS amazing news!

America's emergency rooms, welfare offices, and food stamp centers are clogged with illiterate Mexican peasants who steal public services from American taxpayers.

Illegal aliens kill an average of 12 Americans every day through acts of violence or drunken driving.

Many illegal aliens do not pay taxes owed, they used forged documents and stolen identities to violate the law, and refuse to learn English.

Nearly 30 percent of the criminals incarcerated in America's jails and federal prisons are illegal aliens.

The majority of felony crimes committed in Los Angeles are the work of illegal aliens from Mexico.

Overall, illegal aliens cost American taxpayers hundreds of billions of dollars each year and are a huge homeland security risk to America.

And those are Mexico's best, Felipe? God spare us your worst!

President Calderon needs to understand that there is indeed an "inevitable, natural phenomenon" in the United States with regard to immigration.

But rather the open borders insanity that Calderon favors, in America the phenomena involves securing our borders, defending U.S. national sovereignty, operating in accordance with rule of law, and preservation of American culture and language.

And that means hunting down and deporting each and every damn third world thug here illegally!

Get used to it, Felipe. America's fierce commitment to preserving America is not going to diminish. In fact, each time Calderon makes an idiotic statement, the resolve of Americans increases dramtically.

Bottom line to Calderon: Exporting your problems to the U.S. is no longer viable. Mexico needs to develop the ability to feed, house, educate, and provide health care for your citizens!

Comprehende?

Why Is Federal Authority Inviolable In Hazelton, But Irrelevant In Newark?

By John W. Lillpop

Decent American citizens like those in Hazelton, Pennsylvania are increasingly disenfranchised as they struggle to protect their communities from unwelcome third world aliens who come here illegally in violation of violate U.S. borders and laws.

For the most part, Americans residing in Hazelton are law-abiding citizens who have been raised to believe that America operates within the rule of law. They pass local ordinances and laws in order to protect their schools, families, and property with the expectation that the rule of law, rather than violence, is the American way of adjudicating differences.

After all, the rule of law, rather than anarchy, is supposed to be the American way for resolving conflicts, is it not?

When a federal judge unilaterally blocks enforcement of a local immigration law because it is "unconstitutional," concepts like the will of the people and rule of law are flagrantly mocked, and American citizens are disenfranchised by fiat.

In most cases, the federal judge will justify his/her action by ruling that the local law is unconstitutional because of inviolable federal jurisdiction.

Ordinary citizens in Hazelton will understandably be outraged to learn that that argument is made by institutions that should be working for, rather than against, Americans.

That includes the ACLU, the Democrat party, leaders of the Catholic Church, the Chamber of Commerce, RINOs, and even our addled president.

Americans do not pass restrictive, mean spirited laws to discriminate against people with brown skin. Laws are passed only when responsible citizens and leaders realize that their community is threatened by those who are not here legally, irrespective of race, color, ethnicity, or nation of origin.

That reality really hits home with a punch when folks realize that their schools are overwhelmed by the children of illegal aliens who cannot understand English. Such students impede the learning of English proficient children because teachers are constantly forced to 'dumb down' instruction to accommodate non-English speakers.

Citizens also tend to become angry activists when they realize that local emergency rooms can no longer meet the needs of Americans because hordes of illegal aliens take over such facilities for free medical care.

Citizen outrage grows even stronger when medical facilities are forced to close because of illegal aliens who do not pay for services received.

Indignation becomes even more profound when citizens contemplate the fact that, although illegal aliens do not pay for medical care, they somehow manage to send scores of billions of dollars back to Mexico and other countries of origin each year.

Cities like Hazleton are also forced to deal with other unwelcome byproducts of illegal immigration including violent gangs, drunken driving, proliferation of illegal drugs, and increased criminal behavior of all types.

So, the great questions of the moment are:

* Why in the hell are people born and raised in Hazelton prevented from implementing laws to protect their community, children, and culture from illegal aliens?

* What would the Founding Fathers say to a federal judge who has unilaterally blocked a law passed by American citizens to protect their communities from foreigners in America illegally?

There is an even larger question, that being:

If a local community is barred from acting to restrict illegal aliens based on constitutional concerns about federal jurisdiction, how in the hell can a city like Newark, New Jersey or San Francisco, California unilaterally declare itself a "Sanctuary City" for illegal aliens?

Why Is Federal Authority Inviolable In Hazelton, But Irrelevant In Newark?

Have We No Compassion? What About The Poor Haitians?

By John W. Lillpop


After millions of illegal aliens marched all across America “demanding” citizenship and full rights last spring, one must ask: What next?

How about the good people of Haiti? There is hardly a more oppressed and impoverished people in the world. And Haitians have other advantages:

They are uneducated and poor ''people of color.'' Perfect future Democrats, in other words.

Haitians do not speak English—which is another point in their favor, if you are stuck with a warped liberal mind.

Hundreds, perhaps thousands, of Haitians set sail for the American Dream each year in leaky old wooden pallets, unsuitable for kindling wood, much less navigating the sea.

Risking life and limb, these courageous people come only in pursuit of a better life. Unlike Mexicans coming to retake the American Southwest, Haitians come only for freedom--and work.

Unfortunately for Haitians, they are usually intercepted at sea and turned back before reaching the U.S. mainland. Those who somehow make it in are immediately jailed, and prepared for deportation.

But to be perfectly fair, why shouldn't Haitians be allowed to congregate in major American cities to march and demand, demand, demand?

There are only 8.5 million of them. Surely we have room for a few hundred million more?

Right, President Bush?

But, you say that Haitians would have to cross the sea, not a land border.

Right.

So, here is my plan. Haitians, start your life pallets and head for--Mexico! Once there, you can simply stroll across the U.S. border and start demanding rights, food, education, health care--in short, you can demand the American Dream.

After all, as good-hearted, hard working, non-English speaking people of color, you deserve American citizenship.

Mind you, you are not entitled to it, but because rule of law no longer matters in America, you derserve U.S. citizenship.

A word of caution to migrating Haitians: Do not get caught as an illegal alien in Mexico. The authorities there will regard you as a felon, and you can expect very harsh treatment from the same fools who think Americans should turn our beautiful nation over to 20 million illegal alien peasants from Mexico.

One other tip: Once you arrive in Mexico, follow the taco and Cuervo beer lines to Los Angeles. Once a proud, majestic city, Los Angeles is now the Illegal Alien Capitol of the World.

The man in charge there, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, loves illegal aliens; in fact, he has about four million of them living on U.S. taxpayer money in Los Angeles, so I am sure he can find room for some needy Haitians.

Mayor Villaraigosa will arrange for all your needs, including voting ballots, housing, driver's licenses, education, food, and health care--the whole ball of wax.

Perhaps you are worried about language barriers? Fret not! Mayor Villaraigosa will require all public service providers to speak and write Haitian just for you!

Antonio is a ''giving'' kind of guy, especially when it comes to wasting taxpayers’ money. So relax and enjoy.

Mind you, the mayor is not very bright. He is what we call a Democrat, but, heck, when you are on the down-and-out, you take what you can get.

Welcome to America!

Mohamned Atta's Plea from Islamic Heaven, Six Years Later

Satire by John W. Lillpop

From the Complaint Desk at the Virgin Redemption Center in Islamic Heaven:

Brothers and Heirs to the Throne of Heaven,

Praise Be to Allah!

After our arrival here six years ago, we embraced the clouds and thanked Allah for deliverance from the infidel devils lead by that dyslexic Christian cowboy from Texas.

We prayed that, Allah willing, Bush would be forced to spend eternity with Nancy Pelosi in San Francisco, a situation otherwise known by Christian infidels as hell.

Brothers, all is good in Islamic Heaven, save one detail.

Each of the 72 virgins that greeted your martyr brothers is the spitting image of Helen Thomas, a fiction writer who works in Washington D.C., Capitol City of the infidels.

Pray for us, brothers: These women are virgins, but not by choice.



This is not what we were promised as our reward for being blown to smithereens.

Allah willing, your prayers will deliver unto us 72 middle-eastern Muslim women, ages 15- 21, lean but not mean, beautiful and still virgins by choice.

Allah speed brothers!

Without seductive virgins, this gig sucks!


Your Comrade in Death,
Mohamned Atta

Democrat Sound Bites Translated into American

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Because the format of the latest debate among Democrats was based on racial profiling and pandering to illegal aliens, hundreds of millions of decent American citizens were unable to understand the sound bits and propoganda that flowed from the 10 least qualified presidential candidates in U.S. history.

For the benefit of those who do not, cannot, and never will speak Spanish, fret not. All you really missed is proof positive that this crop of liberal misfits is made up of double talking traitors who can lie in two languages!

As a service to real Americans who speak real American, the debate transcripts have been analyzed. A sampling of the most frequent sound bites from the Democrats follows:


* George Bush's 'surge' has failed. The Iraq war has been lost.

* There are no 'illegal' human beings, except for Republicans named Bush and Cheney.

* Elvira Arellano should be escorted back into the U.S., given full citizenship rights, and elected to the U.S. Senate to replace John Warner and or Chuck Hagel.

* Deportations must cease, except for Hispanic Republicans who should be shipped out regardless of immigration status.

* Comprehensive immigration reform is needed to bring millions of undocumented Americans out of the shadows where they will be free to join the Democrat party and vote Democrat for life.

* General Petraeus, You Betrayed Us!

* George Bush lied, People Died!

There you go--the eight most common declarations from the liberal nut cases who would, given the chance, cut $450 billion out of the defense and homeland security budgets and use the money to pay for public services for illegal aliens.

That is Loco, in any language!

Adios Rudy, Welcome Fred!

By John W. Lillpop

With his latest pronouncement, which holds that illegal immigration is not and should not be a crime, Rudy Giuliani has confirmed his reputation as a big city liberal, too far to the left of Hillary Clinton to be a Democrat, and too much like George W. Bush to be a Republican.

Most distressing is that Giuliani lacks any righteous indignation over the fact that 12-30 million third world illegal aliens have invaded and now occupy large swaths of America.

Giuliani 's "solution," as told Glenn Beck, is to secure the borders.

While that is absolutely the number priority, Giuliani has no plan for dealing with illegal aliens already here, except to grant the invaders amnesty and citizenship.

But why even bother securing the borders if the government policy is to do nothing about evil doers here unlawfully?

Glenn Beck: http://www.glennbeck.com/news/09072007.shtml

While Giuliani was doing the Mexican Hat Dance to pander to the illegal alien community, Fred Thompson was standing up for American sovereignty and rule of law.

Said presidential candidate Thompson, ""If we catch illegal immigrants who are here, they need to be deported," Thompson said. "If they want to get back in the right way, get in line with everybody else."

ABC News: http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalradar/2007/09/thompson-deport.html

Compared to Giuliani's double talking drivel, Thompson's words are sweet music indeed.

However, Thompson needs to beef up his portfolio on this issue by proposing a top-priority law enforcement effort to seek out and deport illegal aliens, rather than waiting to catch the third world scoundrels as they engage in other crimes.

Adios Rudy, Welcome Fred!

Wherever There Are Criminal Invaders and Moochers, That Is Mexico!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

How utterly brilliant of Mexican President Felipe Calderon to remind the United States of his major political philosophy for running Mexico.

During his State of the Cesspool address, this deranged leader said, "Wherever there is a Mexican, that is Mexico."

Hotair: http://hotair.com/archives/2007/09/02/calderon-wherever-there-is-a-mexican-that-is-mexico/

Translated from guttural Spanish into bandito Mexican, Calderon's real message was: "America's borders, sovereignty, immigration laws, and rule of law do not apply to Mexicans in the United States, especially those there illegally."

A more sophisticated, less politically correct, account of Calderon's retarded words renders the following:

"Wherever there is free education, health care, welfare, food stamps, and housing, there are Mexican free loaders and scam artists waiting to mooch on the backs of U.S. taxpayers!"

Whichever version of Calderon's mental collapse one chooses to accept, it is clear that this corrupt fascist does not have a clue about how to jar Mexico from it's decades old siesta in the comfy confines of the third world.

An example of how Calderon's muddled Mexican mind works, or does not work, can be gleaned from his ambitious "End Poverty in Mexico" program.

Under normal circumstances, one would assume that such a program would include initiatives to improve education, increase productivity, reduce taxes, encourage foreign investments, and high technology measures to strengthen Mexico.

However, Felipe Calderon's "End Poverty in Mexico" program is nothing more than an "Invade America Kit" which includes:

* Maps showing illegal alien friendly locations throughout Arizona;

* Locations and hours of welfare and food stamp distribution centers;

* Directions to emergency rooms with Spanish speaking physicians who specialize in delivering anchor babies;

* List of emergency rooms where, for the right amount of money, one can purchase a United States birth certificate for a child actually born in Mexico. Caution: Generally available only for Latino children less than eight years old, under 5'3', and weighing not more than 200 pounds;

* Phone numbers and email addresses for anti-American ACLU lawyers and other civil rights anarchists,

* Retail stores selling Mexican flags and other protest marching gear at discount prices for those with certifiably fraudulent matrícula ID cards, and

* Phone numbers for all branch offices of the Democrat Party. Democrat party operatives will actually arrange for transport to the nearest "Get Out the Vote!" center so that illegal aliens can register immediately.

Americans anxious about Felipe Calderon's lack of respect for the sovereignty and rule of law in the United States can rest assured that the other prominent president in North America with limited English language skills had this to say about Calderon's State of the Cesspool warning:

"We are kicking ass in Iraq!"

Thank you, President Bush. And happy sixth anniversary of 9/11 and the concurrent invasion of America by third world peasants!

An Open Letter To Kansas City Mayor Mark Funkhouser

September 6, 2007


Mayor Mark Funkhouser
Kansas City, Missouri

Dear Mayor Funkhouser,

Congratulations for your courageous and honorable stand in support of Frances Semler.

Although some in your community would like to silence Ms. Semler because of her views, your support affirms the "American way" of open dialogue and genuine respect for diverse, conflicting views.

Is it not ironic that those who preach tolerance and understanding the loudest are often the most intolerant and least understanding among us?

For such people, diversity is a wonderful concept, except when it spawns opposing beliefs. In other words, diversity is great as long as you believe the way I do!

Racism is an evil, abhorrent defilement of the spirit that devastates one's ability to appreciate the humanness present in all people, regardless of race or ethnicity.

America's gift to humankind has been the promise of freedom and equal opportunity in accordance with the rule of law. In order to fulfill that promise, it was essential to expunge slavery, discrimination in education and employment, and other incidents of racism from our midst.

To the credit of America and her people, we have succeeded in removing the cancer of racism from our institutions. Not entirely of course, but in great measure.

Unfortunately, certain organizations in America have agendas that are not sustainable by virtue of logic or common sense within the framework of the rule of law.

Lacking sufficient moral and legal underpinning to compete in the marketplace of ideas, some radicals use the word "racism" as a wedge to impugn the motives and character of those with whom they disagree.

Illegal immigration is an explosive issue that has polarized this nation like few before it. Regrettably, those who advocate open borders and or liberal immigration policies, often resort to calling those of the other side of the issue racists.

That is the easy way out, especially compelling when one has no sustaining arguments grounded in logic and fairness.

For the record, I do not believe that it is racist to demand that U.S. borders and immigration laws be enforced to the fullest extent of the law, especially during time of war.

Furthermore:

It is not racist to demand that millions of illegal aliens who have come here illegally be forced to leave in accordance with our laws.

It is not racist to demand that employers follow the law by verifying the right of new employees to work here.

It is not racist for states and municipalities to enact laws that deny services and benefits to those not entitled to such services.

It is not racist to inquire as to the immigration status of those apprehended in other crimes.

It is not racist to secure our borders to prevent further invasions.

In short, it is most assuredly not racist to insist that American sovereignty and rule of law be respected and followed by all: Brown, yellow, black, white, and red!

After all, in America the rule of law applies to all, regardless of race, ethnicity, or nationality. That is precisely what makes this the grandest society in human history.

Again, the irony of contemporary race baiting is astounding: The real racists in America are not the Minutemen or other patriotic Americans fighting to preserve this nation's sovereignty.

In fact, the real racists are organizations like La Raza who believe that any Latino who wishes to come to America should be allowed to do so unilaterally, at the time and choosing of the individual Latino, without authorization or sanction by the United States government.

That La Raza philosophy applies only to Latinos.

Now that is racism!

Again, Mayor Funkhouser we applaud your stand against racism and tyranny. Please do not yield to the open border advocates in this vital struggle for the future of America.

We understand that groups like La Raza are exerting financial pressure in order to cause you to abandon the rightful cause advanced by Frances Semler. Again, please remain resolute in your refusal to sell out to those who do not respect American values.

Finally, perhaps we can work to persuade the heroic Minutemen and other patriotic American groups to meet in Kansas City to offset any losses caused by the cancellation of the racist groups. Just a thought.

Sincerely,

John W Lillpop
San Jose Ca

Nancy Pelosi's Progressive Solution to Illegal Immigration

Satire By John W. Lillpop



















For Immediate Release

(San Francisco)---The following press release was issued by the Office of Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the United States House of Representatives:

With the illegal alien protest marches fresh in our minds, Speaker Pelosi believes that the American people need progressive ideas and leadership when it comes to the issue of immigration.

In order to steer America away from the subhuman quagmire that George W. Bush has created, Speaker Pelosi is proposing the following program to make America a more attractive destination for third world peasants to invade.

In her own words, then, Speaker Pelosi offers her greeting to illegal aliens already in America and the remaining peasants in Mexico who have not yet invaded America, but who will do so when monthly food stamp and welfare allotments increase by at least 10 percent.

Nancy Pelosi's Progressive Compassion Program to Fix Immigration


No Human Being Is Illegal

As Democrats, we believe that the term "illegal alien" should only be used when referring to the invasion of a woman's uterus by an unwanted fetus, and then only as needed to provide concise language for the death certificate of the aborted interloper.

When used to describe migrants from Mexico and other Latin nations, the term illegal alien is xenophobic and morally repugnant, and is a pernicious denial of the humanness of some of the most talented toilet bowl scrubbers, janitors, housemaids, burger flippers, fruit pickers, and operators of hi-tech leaf blowers in America.

We Democrats also object most vehemently when "illegal alien" is used as a derogatory slur against killers, MS-13 gangsters, drunken drivers, welfare cheats, identity thieves, drug smugglers, child molesters, and other future constituents who are down on their luck and in need of a helping hand, rather than a kick in the groin/posterior.

As Speaker of the House, I have drafted redemptive legislation to add "illegal alien" and "wetback" to the list of terms that qualify as hate speech in America.

This draft is being reviewed by Mexican President Felipe Calderon and the Mexican Congress, and will be released to U.S. House members after all comments from Mexico's leaders have been resolved to the satisfaction of Mexico.

A Spanish translation of the draft will also be sent to the White House for President Bush to review.

For the record: The preferred term for those living here, but missing a silly piece of paper or two, is "Undocumented Constituent."


America Must Be Deportation-free Sanctuary

Tens of millions of undocumented constituents hide in the shadows of American society, afraid to assimilate because of fear of punitive action by a government that hates the color brown.

San Francisco pioneered the "Nuclear-free" zoning concept several years ago to alert the world that The City is completely free from nuclear weapons and should not be attacked. That policy has worked beautifully, because there have been no nuclear incidents since the declaration was codified into San Francisco's City Charter.

Using the same template of success, I, in conjunction with San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsome, hereby designate all of America as a deportation-free sanctuary to anyone who can prove that he/she is here from Mexico without proper documentation, who speaks Spanish, but absolutely no English, and who is destitute and in need of public services.

As an added benefit, undocumented constituents who can prove they are HIV positive are also eligible for free housing and transportation in San Francisco.

These progressive enhancements will surely make undocumented constituents feel most welcome and, we hope, shadow free!


Bring Troops Home to Reduce "Pressure" on the Border

During his State of the Union address, President Bush advised the American people that the immigration problem is the result of too much "pressure" on America's borders.

Although the president is wrong on just about everything, he has this one right.

We Democrats intend to help the befuddled president take pressure off the borders by requiring that our troops be withdrawn from Iraq and sent to the border with Mexico by the 4th of July, 2007.

At the border, our brave military troops would escort and assure safe passage for any and all Latinos wishing to invade America.

American troops would be authorized to use whatever force needed, including lethal, to prevent renegade border patrol agents and outlaw vigilantes, AKA Minutemen, from hindering the flow of undocumented constituents into the promised land.

In addition to providing escort services, our troops would be used in a door-to-door campaign to confiscate every last firearm in the unsteady hands of ordinary Americans.

Gun Control: Repealing the 2nd Amendment

As the tragic circumstances surrounding the Virginia Tech massacre made quite clear, America must establish far greater legal impediments to all forms of gun ownership.

Repealing the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution is the only reasonable recourse for responsible Americans.

In addition, we Democrats strongly support a recent proposal by a Canadian journalist that would have the U.S. military go door to door to confiscate guns

Undocumented constituents are overwhelmingly in favor of repealing the 2nd Amendment, and would make excellent door to door "confiscators" in America's war against guns.

This is yet another reason why America must bring as many of these people into our nation as soon as possible.


Diversity and Tolerance Workshops

American citizens, particularly white Christian Republicans, can be an intolerant lot, especially when it comes to Spanish-speaking brown people.

A special outreach program should be established to eliminate racist thinking in bigoted whites by showing how undocumented constituents contribute to the America in so many ways.

Think about it: Were it not for undocumented constituents, America would have to fire scores of thousands of police officers, prison guards, probation officers, judges, bail bondsmen, drunk tank officers, detox nurses, Death Row supply clerks,and translators in our system of justice.

Without undocumented constituents there would be a calamitous oversupply of ACLU lawyers, food stamps, Cuervo beer, DUI defense attorneys who speak Spanish, welfare caseworkers, ID theft investigators, and English as a Second Language (ESL) instructors.

Undocumented constituents are vital to America's economy and white folks need to wake up and smell the refried beans!

Universal Health Care

As any American citizen who has tried to get medical attention at any emergency room knows, the great masses of undocumented constituents suffer immensely from the lack of affordable health insurance.

Indeed, undocumented constituents generally look haggard, emaciated, hung over, suffering from Delirium Tremors, and lacking in dental care.

A caring nation like America must implement a universal health care program for all people, including undocumented constituents

This humanitarian program can be funded by adding a $2.50 per gallon "wellness levy" to the cost of gasoline used in SUVs, Cadillac and Lincoln sedans, and all other vehicles registered to known Republicans.

A "wellness levy" would reduce the demand for foreign oil, cut global warming, and eliminate the need for Al Gore's hideous "An Inconvenient Truth," billed as a movie, but which was really a paid (by movie goers!) political announcement!

Higher Taxes, Redistribution of Wealth

One of the gravest problems facing America in 2007 is that all the wrong people have money.

Rich, white Republicans control most of the nation's wealth, but these people are simply the wrong people to be in control of so much wealth.

We Democrats support a progressive tax structure to level the playing field between the filthy rich and the unwashed poor.

Undocumented constituents are ALL poor and would vote unanimously to soak the rich with higher, higher, and even higher taxes!


Summary:

America faces many difficult challenges. But by bringing our troops home, tearing down impediments to newcomers, repealing the 2nd Amendment, and enacting other progressive ideas, we can save America for future generations of impoverished Mexicans.

Join me and the Democrat party as we work to make America truly the "Land of the Free" for scores of millions of good hearted, hard working people of color.

Let me close with a deep and inspirational spiritual thought: God dang America!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.

Contemporary Quiz on Illegal Aliens

Satire By John W. Lillpop

With the debate over illegal immigration heating up again, here is a quiz to measure one's liberal quotient on this vital issue.

Liberal quotient, of course, is the exact opposite of ''intelligence quotient."
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I. Illegal Aliens are :

( ) Desperately needed by liberals to win elections.
( ) A misnomer. They are actually Undocumented Democrats!
( ) Mexico’s chief export.
( ) Not a threat to U.S. homeland security. Why would foreign peasants threaten the land of welfare, food stamps, and free health care?
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II. Border security should be:

( ) Ignored, because we need cheap lettuce.
( ) Ignored, because tight borders might upset Jeb Bush's wife.
( ) Turned over to Felipe Calderon in the name of diversity.
( ) Used to keep Republicans out of the United States.
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III. The proposed fence between the United States and Mexico is:

( ) A terrific idea, if built by firms owned by women and minorities.
( ) Unconstitutional. It discriminates against invaders too fat to scale a fence.
( ) “Pork” in Red States, but economic necessity in blue states.
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IV. The proposed Guest Worker Program:

( ) Is illegal if it prevents illegal aliens from collecting welfare.
( ) Will work if guest workers are required to join a labor union.
( ) Should include free health care, driver's licenses, college degrees, and interest-free mortgages for illegal aliens
( ) Sounds like amnesty, but Mexicans here illegally deserve amnesty!
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V. Spanish versus English: Mexican illegal immigrants should:

( ) Be prevented from learning English because the Democrats have printed 30 million ballots in Spanish for 2008.
( ) Be kept English-illiterate to avoid exposure to GOP lies and propaganda.
( ) Be taught vital English words and phrases like ACLU, racism, class-action lawsuit, Vote Democrat, etc.
( ) Be forced to purchase President Bush's biography, titled "English basics from a Hispanically Speaking Dummy."
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VI. Janet Napolitano, Democrat governor of Arizona:

( ) Was for Illegal Immigration before she was against it.
( ) Was a “stealth” candidate in Mexico’s presidential election in early July of 2006.
( ) Thinks ''Minutemen'' is a reference to the sexual staying power of Border Patrol agents.
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VII. In dealing with massive protests by illegal aliens, the most prudent response would be to:

( ) Quit Claim deed California, Texas, Arizona, and New Mexico to Felipe Calderon.
( ) Pardon all illegal aliens with a Blanket Executive Order signed by President Bush.
( ) Hand out Spanish-language ballots for 2008 with Hillary Clinton’s name pre-punched as a vote for president.
( ) Sell forged driver’s licenses and Social Security cards, and use proceeds to buy ads opposing Tom Tancredo.
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Well, how did you do? Liberal enough to be considered anti-American?

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.

Shut Up, Felipe Calderon!

By John W. Lillpop

As the leader of a nation that cannot feed, house, educate, or provide health care to it's citizens, Mexican President Calderon should be devoting all of his time and energy to implementing the economic, social, and political changes needed to reform Mexico.

Reforming Mexico's corrupt institutions must be achieved if this nation is to have any hope of escaping third world status.

Unfortunately, President Calderon has decided that interfering with the business of the United States is more important than dealing with Mexico's internal problems.

In that respect, Calderon is identical to other recent Mexican leaders who seem incapable of doing much of anything except dumping Mexico's problems on the U.S. side of the border.

Calderon's myopic vision and incredible state of denial were made painfully evident when this troubled man said the following last September 2:

"I want to express again an energetic protest at the unilateral measures taken by the U.S. Congress and government which exacerbate the persecution and abusive treatment of undocumented Mexican workers," Calderon said.

"The Mexican government will continue to insist firmly ... on the need for an integral immigration reform and the categorical rejection of the building of a wall on our common border," Calderon added, confirming the fact that he is clue less when it comes to American sovereignty and rule of law.

http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSN0231897420070902?feedType=RSS&feedName=topNews&rpc=22&sp=true

Several responses to this stupidity immediately come to mind:

1. They are not "undocumented Mexican workers," Mr. President.

Every one of the 20-38 million illegal aliens currently in America is an invading criminal who has seen fit to willfully ignore America's borders and immigration laws.

They have no legal or moral basis for being here!

2. Yes, the U.S. Congress and government are acting unilaterally to enforce our immigration laws.

Congress and the U.S. government are acting because America is a sovereign nation, and a representative republic. As such our government is required to operate in accordance with the rule of law, even when illegal aliens from Mexico are involved.

The American people do not want illegal aliens from Mexico or any other nation to invade our nation, and we have demanded that our government enforce all existing U.S. laws, including those pertaining to immigration.

It is not necessary, and never will be, for the U.S. government to consult with, or seek consent from, Mexico in order to enforce the law in America.

3. Implementing U.S. laws may indeed result in inconvenience and discomfort for those here illegally.

However, providing convenience and comfort to those here illegally is not the concern of the American people.

American law provides for deportation of illegal aliens in order to protect the interests of those for whom U.S. Immigration laws are intended to protect: Namely, American citizens and those here legally

Deporting Mexicans here illegally does not constitute "abuse" or "persecution."


4. As to Mexico firmly insisting on "integral immigration reform" and "categorical rejection of the building of a wall" on the U.S. Mexico border, Mexico has no basis for insisting on anything, firmly or otherwise.

In simple English, Mr. Calderon, we do not give a dam what you or any of the other so-called leaders in the Mexican government have to say.

American issues are the sole responsibility and authority of the United States and it's government.

5. If the Mexican government has any real concerns for the welfare of Mexican illegal aliens in America, then President Calderon should take immediate steps to prevent Mexican citizens from invading America.

President Calderon should also work with the U.S. to arrange for expeditious deportation of invading criminals back to mother Mexico where the Mexican government can assume it's rightful responsibility.

Finally, let the word go out to President Calderon and the rest of those leading the Mexican government:

The days when Mexico could simply dump her problems on the U.S. side of the border are over! Gone, kaput!

For a change, let the state of Mexico, and not U.S. taxpayers, take responsibility for Mexican citizens.

Period!

Ship Them ALL Out, Including Anchor Brats

John W. Lillpop


Illegal aliens who scheme to have anchor babies born in America just to avoid justice (through deportation) are among the most despicable criminals in our midst.

Only Democrat and RINO politicians are less honorable.

By callously manipulating infants for personal gain, illegal aliens clearly lack the moral values and judgment essential to being good Americans.

Moreover, the presence of anchor babies gives weak-minded knot heads who favor open borders and non-enforcement of immigration laws a lame excuse for doing nothing.

Again, infants are manipulated for political purposes by those who scream "We cannot split families," when arguing against deportation.

However, that argument is embarrassingly specious.

To begin with, illegal aliens willfully abandon family when they leave their nation of origin, usually Mexico, in order to invade America!

Apparently, "Family" is trumped by dinero when deciding whether or not to jump a fence to pursue the mother lode, AKA free public services, in America!

Secondly, deportation decisions cannot be based on whether or not the offending criminal has a family.

Consider a parallel: Illegal aliens are like bank robbers--they steal property belonging to others.

However, when an American citizen is found guilty of robbing a bank, does the presiding judge decide against prison because of concern about separating the criminal from family?

Of course not!

Criminals are criminals, and should be dealt with according to the law, especially when it comes to illegal aliens.

Third: Who says that the illegal alien family has to be split?

For illegal aliens with children under 18, it should be mandatory that the entire family be deported!

In fact, because they are the most burdensome to American taxpayers, deporting such families should be the greatest priority of our federal government.

In other words, Pancho, get the hell out and take your moochachoo brats with you!

Finally, instead of trying to rip-off the government with demands for lavish air travel, Speaker Pelosi (God, that still sounds vile!) should work with other twinkies like Senator Harry Reid to close the anchor baby loophole with respect to children of illegal aliens.

But perhaps that is asking too much?

After all, folks like Pelosi see anchor babies as future Democrat voters!